Red-Blooded American (leclerque) wrote in lgbtmilfamilies,
Red-Blooded American
leclerque
lgbtmilfamilies

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Masquerade

I feel like such a fool. Like I'm wearing this mask.
I read this article on this marine that came out to his first sergeant in this seven page letter.
How the hell could I ever do that? I mean, that means yanking my ass out of this system, which is not what I want. If I didn't wan any of this I would not have joined. But then again. I mean, I'm not going to be some fucking Rosa Parks for the gays. I'm not going to burn while everyone watches. Fuck that. It's not like I'm going to change anything. I don't have the energy to even try.
But why on earth am I trying to fight this system? I just don't even have the energy to do this anymore.
I sit around and sulk all day, just feeling sorry for myself.
It's just so hard not to drown myself in the tear-flooded pits of despair in the bowels of my own private hell. I feel like I'm trying so hard to be happy and I just can't. It feels like something I'm never going to accept.
Things aren't that bad.
Things aren't that bad.
If I tell myself that enough it will be true.

God and I'm lonely. I'm in a system that will not allow me to be happy. It's designed so that people like me can do nothing more than settle with being lonely.
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